Rant Along: Rampage (2018)
- Jules Robinson
- Jan 19, 2019
- 3 min read
In which I find myself between a Rock and a hard place (I didn't, I just wanted to get a Rock pun in there) and say some things as I watch Rampage.
*Spoilers ahead*
- That is one Fat Rat.
- Good to see Dwayne Johnson is playing himself again.
- This lady has bright colours in her hair ergo she can 'handle' herself.
- Those gorillas are about as real as my home-ownership prospects.
- I'd like to know how much it cost to digitally animate the gorilla giving Dwayne Johnson the finger.
- Animals are his passion but presumably so is GETTING RIPPED.
- He AtE a BeAR?
- "We're not exactly doing this for the betterment of humanity.", " Killers R Us." and other such sentences spoken by cartoon villains.
- Now, I don't know much about Wyoming but 'animals love it there' seems like a bit of an odd and not at all said statement.
- 'Pathogen' is a great catch-all term meaning 'science thing'.
- I love me a doggy but a doggy the size of a bungalow?! Sign me up.
- Looks like this gorilla's going on a... path of destruction. (Editor's note: Nobody actually says the word 'rampage' at any point of the movie which is a little disappointing)
- I really hope a sleazy man comes along at some point and tries to buy the gorilla for a sideshow in Hollywood. (Editor's note: he doesn't)
- The headsets are giving me evil Britney vibes and I love it.
- Why would they need to put cuffs on Dwayne Johnson? Because of his love of animals. 'You know what those zoologists are like- completely unpredictable.'
- This guy gets his kicks from delivering exposition.
- I hope the first person to use the 'super soldier' story-line is filthy rich by now.
- Lotta people in suits looking pissed off.
- 'Oops I accidentally created weaponize-able DNA editing' should go on her Tinder profile.
- Props for the badass, black, female doctor who's previously been imprisoned. Her character has more layers than Dwayne's (if you can BELIEVE).
- Dwayne is now leading the team with the credentials of 1. shooting/punching stuff well 2. being best mates with a gorilla.
- At least the gorilla and wolf are working together to achieve their dreams of running amuck.
- "You know us cowboys, we can't stand to leave our friends behind." Wait, what?
- So this guy we're now supposed to be siding with just gleefully sent another man to his death and smiled about it?
- I just let out a gasp as the gorilla got impaled.
- Ew, gross eye-stabbing death.
- Oh no! Ape friend death.
- Texas guy is sad that the gorilla's hurt but full on chuckled at a man being crushed to death.
- The gorilla's still alive so everything is fine now.
- Glad those side characters were introduced at the beginning only to never hear from them again.
- I'd like to know how much it cost to digitally animate a gorilla doing the 'P in V' hand sign.
You could put this movie on, 3 pints in, having come back from the pub early because you forgot to eat and so you've quickly whacked a frozen pizza in the oven and it'd be perfectly enjoyable tbh. It'll be gone from your memory as soon as the mild hangover kicks in though.
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