The Greatest Showman Review That Never Was

I started watching The Greatest Showman back in 2019 so that I could write a review on it. As you'll see, that review never happened but here are some notes I made whilst watching the film. This includes the exact moment I find out that P.T Barnum was in fact a real person followed by a series of staggering revelations.

(notes while watching)

-Zipping through all the important plot points here, which is fine.

-Maybe too much CGI. Especially with the guy who has dwarfism – was that really necessary?

-Songs are super auto-tuned = off-putting.

-Circus is continuously being labelled by characters as ‘fake’ which… what? Ironic as well because everything I’m looking at is CGI. Maybe that’s the point? Probably not.

-Like, that little girl literally says, ‘ballet takes years of practice, it’s not like the circus where you can just fake it.’ Damn, someone’s not seen Cirque Du Soleil.

-Hugh Jackman wants to hire Zac Efron because he caught his eye at a party. Basically wants him on his team ‘cos he looks good in a suit? Alright.

-All of this weird, synthetic scenery means I’ve NO IDEA when this film is supposed to be set. The whole ‘society is not okay with this’ would work a lot better if I had any idea what kind of society it’s referring to. Zero time has been spent grounding this in reality so you can’t really play the ‘it’s society that’s to blame!’ card. What year is it?

-I’m sorry Zac Efron’s character, but I really don’t know what you’re supposed to be bringing to the partnership.

-Could they not have played up the whole ‘hoodwinking the general public’ element a lot more? Like are they genuine ‘freaks’ who are hard done by or is it all a mirage? You can’t have both. Like are these genuine physical spectacles or is it put on? WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP MAKING OUT IT’S NOT REAL?

“Went to the circus the other day.” “Oh yeah, how was it?”

“Great. Well, fake obviously.”

“Of course.”

- Are we just going to ignore the fact that the renowned opera singer… didn’t sing opera? Like… that performance was heard by the characters right so… do they just not know what opera is?

-Zendaya is jealous because Zac Efron listened to the ‘opera’. At least I think that’s what happened. She storms out because he’s watching a woman sing?

-Hugh Jackman not hearing the applause is the only effective storytelling device I’ve seen so far.

-Mr Barnum can only keep one woman happy at a time. If an elderly lady needed his help he’d have to flat out ignore her because he’s already taking care of The One Woman In His Life.

-Born out of wedlock brought shame on the family? WHAT YEAR IS THIS?!

-Oh no! Hugh Jackman is shutting out the ensemble cast that we’ve seen very little of so far!

-Could this not have been the Bearded Lady’s story? Jackman could have been the annoyingly likeable villain of the piece. He initially brings them all together but his only concern is money, the ‘freaks’ could band together and start their own circus. There, fixed it.

-Have Zendaya and Zac Efron even had a conversation yet? Their interactions go:

1. She said hi to him and he was like ‘woah’

2. They looked at each other from across a room

3. He watched a woman sing and she got mad

4. She confidently sang a song in his general direction

I just want to see them talk! Do they even know each other?!

-Oh my god. Wait. P.T Barnum was a real guy?????????????

-Now I’ve started Googling, I don’t know if making this film was a good idea at all. Are these characters all based on real people?

-Genuine Barnum quote: ‘There’s a sucker born every minute.’ Bold choice to make a biopic musical based on this guy. Doesn't seem that 'Great' to me.

-So. The ‘General Tom Thumb’ character was a real guy which is why they must’ve used CGI so that he looked like him?? Pretty sure they could have, you know, not done that and just had an actor play the role properly? Like Jackman obviously isn’t the spit of Barnum but they haven’t spliced a set of different features onto him.

-Complete side note- Michelle Williams’s song is the best musical number.

-More Googling. Apparently, Barnum created the first ever aquarium. Tell me why THAT wasn’t integral to the story? I want a song about tropical fish.

-Even more Googling. Turns out Barnum produced and promoted a load of minstrel shows. So they're just going to ignore this side of his life…..? Barnum banging on about how circus is a safe space looks a little ironic now. I genuinely don’t know why the movie wants us to like him so much.

-One Wiki deep dive later. So Barnum was actually IN the minstrel shows too. As I’m reading up on this, Hugh Jackman as Barnum is going into a burning building to save someone’s life. Talk about propaganda. I presume the scene where Jackman paints his face and does a horrendously offensive caricature of a black man got left on the cutting room floor?

At this point I stop making notes because I’m so heavily invested in the real history of P.T Barnum who, for many, many reasons, was a deeply flawed human being. Like, obviously we don’t know what kind of a guy he was, but his actions alone speak pretty loudly. This is a movie that just shouldn’t have been made the way that it was. Make it about Barnum but do it properly, showing all his flaws. Or, y'know, MAKE IT ABOUT A MADE-UP CIRCUS?! I have nothing else to say about the film, it’s just so much content (music, effects, money) with none of the sensitivity a real-life story like this needed.

Thanks for reading my review notes that melted my brain half way through and rendered the whole exercise pointless.